What do I Want?
by Mariko Azrael
Summary: Scott left Kurt after he finally had a chance at happiness. Why would he do a daft thing like that? Scott/Kurt, obviously. :)
1. Out of Reach

**Disclaimer: **I don't own X-Men Evolution. And quite frankly, I'm glad I don't! Kurt would probably eat me out of house and home.

  


**Final Warning:** Like I said before, this story contains a male/male pairing, or more specially, Scott and Kurt being romantically involved, and possibly might contain just a faint hint of Kitty/Rogue or Kitty/Evan later on. If this bothers you in any way, hit the back button now. 

  


  


I have wanted to hold Kurt Wagner in my arms... for so long. To be so close to him that I can feel his heart beating, to rest my chin on his head, to feel his warm breath against my neck. To just be close to him... I would've given almost anything.

He clung to my sweater like his life depended on it, his slender body shaking from crying. "I'm sorry, Scott," I could hear him mumble between sobs. "Y-You would think I would be used to this by now, but I... I..."

Well, I'll be damned. I finally got what I wanted.

Life has a sick sense of humor.

Carefully, I ran my hand through his soft blue hair. "It's okay, Kurt. I don't mind..." From what he had managed to tell me , he had once again tried to win the affections of one Kitty Pryde, and had once again failed miserably. Only this time, she had gotten angry enough to start an argument with him, and the word "freak" had escaped from her lips. When I came to his room to return a book, I had found him curled up on his bed, and well... the rest, as cliched as it may be to say, is history.

Kitty Pryde... I've always liked her as a friend and respected her as a teammate. But... if she had been there at that moment, I would've gladly strangled her. But that wouldn't have accomplished anything. Besides, Kurt wouldn't want me to.

"She thinks I'm a freak... she really does." Kurt looked up at me with wet, dull eyes, and then at his hands, the misery clearly shown on his face. "She's right." The voice was dull, resigned, and didn't sound like it belonged to a teenage boy at all.

How could she **do** this to him? That... that... My heart was racing with fury. I honestly would've strangled Kitty at this point, regardless of Kurt or anyone else in the world. Instead, I pulled him closer to my body. Trying to keep my temper in check, I took his face into my hands, looking him straight in the eye. "Kurt... I don't ever want to hear say that about yourself. Ever again. Kitty has no idea what she's talking about." I felt my resolve waiver slightly as I felt the velvety fur against my palms, almost losing myself in his large pale eyes. Allowing myself to brush the bangs away from his forehead, I whispered, "You're beautiful..." I stopped abruptly in mid-sentence as I realized that I was going a bit too far in trying to console him.

I was astonished when his didn't look confused or disgusted, but instead smiled faintly. "Thank you. " I was in for another surprise as he laid his head against my chest. "Scott... did you really mean that?"

"Of course I meant it. I wouldn't said it if I hadn't." I let my hand continue to play with his hair, and stared idly at the ceiling. I wanted to hold him closer, to kiss his forehead, to tell him everything would be all right... but I also didn't want to risk letting go, so I tried to figure out a way to show how I felt without revealing too much, but after realizing that there **was** no way, I decided to go ahead and take the risk. "Kurt... you're the strongest person I know." I took in a breath, getting ready for the rejection that would most certainly follow. "And..." I paused, noticing that his breathing had steadied, and that his eyes were closed shut. Exhausted from the day's events, he had fallen asleep.

Oh my God... Kurt Wagner just fell asleep in my arms.

A rational voice in my head told me that it was useless to get so excited over something like this, that tomorrow morning he would wake up, and once again be pining for Kitty Pryde. And I would probably never get to hold him again. 

But I pushed the voice away. I really didn't care anymore what happened tomorrow or afterwards. Because, for now at least, I was happier than I had been in a long time. And no matter what happened, I would always have this night. Nobody could take it away from me.

Unable to wipe the grin off my face, I somehow managed to wrap a spare blanket over our bodies. As I settled down to sleep, I tightened my hold on him a bit, not wanting to let go. Yes, the night would end, and yes, I would most likely never get to hold him again. But for now, I was satisfied.

"And... I've fallen in love with you." 

  


**Author's Notes:** I usually don't write author's notes within fan-fiction, (I personally think it kind of takes away from the story) but seeing how slash pairings seem to be a bit rare in Evolution fics, and how this will most likely be continued, I decided it might be a good idea to explain the "method to my madness", as it were. 

So why am I writing a romance story between Scott Summers and Kurt Wagner? Well... because I'm a slash fan. ^_^; Seriously, the whole idea started when I realized that Kurt/Kitty stuff just didn't make sense to me. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate the coupling or Kitty, it's just hard for me to imagine them getting together when most of the time he scares her silly. But I didn't want my favorite character to be lonely, so I started analyzing the other characters, trying to choose the boy or girl, who in my humble opinion, would be the best match for Kurt. Jean seems to treat him like a little brother, and Evan... well, I think he's in love with himself. ^_^ And I certainly wasn't going to pair him with his sister. I was at a total loss... until I remembered the scene where Scott pulls Kurt down off the bench by his tail in the opening theme.

And Kurt's constant glomping of Scott.

And Scott being awfully overprotective of the boy.

And the hissy fits.

And the fear hugging.

And Scott showing Kurt "where they hide the sodas". *^_^*

There was no doubt in my mind after that that Scott would be perfect for the elf. Even Evan seems to think so! Remember when he mentioned that Kurt gets Scott to liven up? Plus there's the fact that Scott almost goes to extremes to protect Kurt. When he's saying going to the party isn't a good idea, he isn't worried about Kitty phasing through the stereo so she can play her Celine Dion CD, or Evan sneezing and taking out half the crowd. He's worried about Kurt. And finally, when Kurt decides to run off, Professor X sends Scott to find him, instead of Jean, even though it would seem like the likeable telepath would be a far better choice then the stoic leader. It almost makes you wonder if the good Professor knows something we don't... ^_^

Have I bored you yet? Sorry, but I wanted to explain a bit why I find this coupling so appealing and complex. Yes, I know that Scott and Jean are married in the comic books, and that the creators of Evolution themselves said that the two will eventually get together. But hey, since when have fan-fiction writers let something like "canon relationships" get in their way? I'm just trying to explore an alternate romance, a "what if".

So, in the end, if you're going to flame me, don't flame me because of the male/male pairing, or the fact that Kurt and Kitty aren't happily engaged. Flame me because they're OOC, because of the sappy plot, or the fact that it's incredibly short and blunt. (Believe me, I know. I had originally intended this to be an introspective one shot fic, but realized there was no way I could pull that off successfully.) The first chapter is always the most difficult to write, so hopefully the following chapters will be easier on your nerves, if you're willing to stick it out. Oh, and feedback is **defiantly **appreciated. I really am taking this seriously, so I want to know what my audience thinks. Espailly if you have any ideas how to make this story better.

  


Thanks to everybody that was sweet enough to read the whole thing,

Mariko Azrael


	2. Don't Deserve it

Title- 'What do I Want' part 2, electric boog... er, never mind. :)  
Parings- Nothing but Scott/Kurt, baby  
Archive- Ask, and ye shall receive  
Disclaimer- I don't own X-men. Maybe in a 'What if?' universe I do, but certainly not this one.   
Notes- Holy. MOLEY. It took me over a year to continue this fic, but I finally got it done. I had to shut myself off from the rest of the world, but chapter two is now ready for your reading pleasure. So what kept the continuation WdIW from being continued? Well, it's **horribly** cliched to say, but... real life got in the way. I went to college, dropped out, and am now trying to get back in. I got a job. My grandmother had to have an operation. I became a fan of Lord of the Rings. But then, X2 came out and I finally got my evil writing powers back. Now, before we get this thing started, lemme personally thank every one who reviewed this silly little fic, and getting me off my lazy ass to continue it. I hope it fulfills your expectations! ...It probably won't. ;_;  
"Rise and shine, sleepyhead." 

Just barely conscious, the only thing I was distinctively aware of at first was the pain in my back and neck. Must've slept wrong. When I was awake enough to open my eyes, I saw Kurt beaming down at me. I lay there for moment, trying to figure out what the hell Kurt was doing in my bed... until I realized that it wasn't my bed. 

Feeling equal parts of contentment and guilt, I sat up, ignoring the stabbing pain in my back. **Really** must've slept wrong. "Uh... good morning." I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to seem perfectly at ease with the idea of being in bed with someone I was hopelessly in love with. "Guess I must've dozed off." 

"Yeah, for six hours." Looking much too pleased with himself, Kurt pointed to the clock. "I'd probably still be asleep, but it turns out somebody snores." I felt relief sweep into me as he spoke. He looked more like Kurt, instead of the frail slip of a thing I had held last night. He smiled in a sort of teasing way, pushing his hair, which was messy even for him, out of his eyes, only to have it fall right back into place. I nearly pushed the dark strands back again for him, but managed to stop myself. _Can't do that. Not anymore. It's morning, he's better._ Feeling nervous, I stuffed my hands in my pockets, and after realizing how completely stupid that looked, I put them on my knees, and wound up looking way too formal. 

"I should probably get going." 

"...You could stay for a while." 

I still have yet to figure out how I managed to keep my face neutral, save for a friendly smile. "Well, I could probably keep you company for a few minutes." 

"All right." He suddenly seemed a lot shyer then he had a few minutes ago, scooting to the other side of the bed, staring at some unnoticeable spot on the wall, occasionally glancing at me, looking as if he was trying to make a decision he didn't really want to make. There was an unnerving silence in the air that seemed to stretch into eternity. 

"Scott?" Kurt's voice echoed against the walls of his bedroom, startling me a little. He looked very vulnerable now, a shade of how he looked last night. 

Uh-oh. "What is it?" I leaned toward him slightly. 

"Did you... did you really mean what you said last night?" There was an urgency to his tone I had never heard before since I met him. 

It took me a moment to realize what he was talking: when I had finally mustered up enough courage to tell I thought he beautiful. Hoping my face didn't look as red as it felt, I said without hesitation, "Yes, Kurt." 

"**Every** word?" He was looking right at me right now, sounding almost frightened. 

I bit my lip, trying to hold back my usually dormant sarcastic streak, but not succeeding. "**Yes**, you unbelievably dense, but breathtakingly beautiful thing, you." 

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and then moved toward me. "Well then," he said as he positioned himself so that he was nearly sitting in my lap, "I guess you won't mind if I try this." He touched my face, the fur tickling my skin. 

I tried to pull back, but my body didn't want to respond. Couldn't really blame it. "Kurt---" 

"It's okay, Scott." His face was just a few inches away from mine now, and he was running his fingers through my hair this time. He leaned toward me one more time, so he could whisper in my ear, "I heard what you said last night, remember?" 

It was then when he kissed me. 

It was soft and slow and surprisingly chaste, and it took everything I had not to break down and kiss him back. The one thing that held me back was knowing that I couldn't let it happen. I wanted it more then anything... but I couldn't have it. 

"Kurt," I said in an even tone as I pulled away slowly, "...it's not that I'm not attracted to you, because, well, I obviously am. It's just... I don't think this is the wisest thing." 

He took my hand. I tried not to think about how warm it was. "I don't think this," he said, emphasizing his point by squeezing my hand, "is supposed to be the wisest thing. I think that's the point." 

Kurt was making it seem possible. Like everything I had secretly hoped for all this time could be had, if I was just willing to take it. But that was all it was. Hope. 

False hope. 

All I knew at that point was that I had to get out of there. Not looking at him, and not letting him talk, I said. "I'm sorry. I can't do this. I mean, I need to think. I'll be in my room if you need me, all right?" I was well out of there before even I knew I was gone. 

"Scott? Hey, Scott?" Kitty ran up to me, looking like the picture of guilt and repentance. "I was, um, I was wondering if you could maybe tell Kurt how sorry I am for being a total insensitive jerk? I would, but I kind of doubt he wants to see me right now---" 

"I think," I said, cutting her off, "that you should tell him yourself. I really think he'd rather see you then me right now." 

With damnably calm steps, I walked away from Kurt, and back to my own misery and solitude. 

Because that was where I belonged.  
More Notes- Wait, where are you going?! You're gonna miss the rest of the author's notes! :) Okay, first off: the next chapter WILL be posted by the end of the week. I promise. Not that I've gotten past the the part that was giving me trouble, the rest of the fic will be much, much more enjoyable to write. What can you look forward to? Yummy yummy Scott angst, more Kitty, and naughty words. 

Mercuria- Thanks for pointing out my spelling error! 'Definitely' is the bane of my existence. That word, and the word 'America'. Which is why I almost always refer to it as 'the states'. That and it sounds cooler. ^^ 

Once again, thanks to everyone who read the whole thing,  
Mariko Azrael 


	3. Waking Up

Title- What do I Want, part three  
Pairing- Scott/Kurt  
Archive- Ask, and ye shall recieve  
Disclaimer- X-men is owned by the hard working men and women at Marvel comics, not yours truely  
Notes- Well, I feel a little guilty about actually calling this an update, since the entire chapter is pretty much just Kitty and Scott duking it out verbally. Still, you finally get to find out why Scott left Kurt, so at least there's that, right? Right? Don't worry, the next chapter will have tons and tons of slashy goodness... between Wolverine and Xavier. **I'm kidding!** Although you gotta admit, they are pretty slashy on the show. =P Also, I should probably tell everyone that the next chapter is the last one in the story. After that, it's hunt the typo time and renaming of the 'title'. Obviously, I can't tell you everything about the ending (espially since I haven't written it yet), but hopefully, you will find it satisfactory. This chapter is dedicated to all my wonderful, wonderful readers for keeping me wanting to write this thing, and the kind folks at peterdavid.net and moviepoopshoot.com for re-inspiring me whenever I couldn't think of what to write next. 

I cast a half-hearted glance at the page of dark scribbles that was supposed to be my math homework. Rubbing the back of my neck, I tried to focus on the work at hand, or anything else that wouldn't lead me right back to Kurt. Not that I wasn't tempted. All I really wanted that moment was to hunt him down, hold him again, and keep holding him until nothing else in the world mattered to me anymore. But I couldn't. It wouldn't be fair to him. Never mind if it was fair to me. 

"Hey, did you know that your door's locked?" Kitty Pyrde grinned at me brightly, and then scrunched up her nose at one of the posters on my wall. "Ew, I can't believe **you** of all people like that excuse for a band. "But hey," she said lightly as she flopped dramatically onto my bed, "I didn't come here to tell you have no taste in music. I came here to knock some sense into you." 

Frustrated as hell, but keeping it well hidden, I turned back to the mess of books and notes on my desk. "Look, Kitty, I appreciate your butting into my affairs, but I'm afraid I don't really have any free time right now." 

"**I** do." 

"How much?" 

"As much as I need to get you to stop acting like a jerk." 

"Well then," I muttered as I flipped through my Chemistry text, "I hope you brought a snack." 

Neither of us spoke for awhile, but the room was anything but silent. I could hear Kitty slapping her knees, tapping her foot impatiently, sighing huffily... and then starting the cycle all over again. When she finally thought of something to say, her tone was much less cheerful then it had been. 

"I thought you were in love with him, Scott." 

It took every bit of restraint I had not to grab her by the collar. I turned around sharply in my chair to look her in the eye. "So you got him to tell you everything, is that it?" 

I guess my glare wasn't as cold as I thought, because Kitty didn't even flinch. "Kurt didn't tell me anything." she shot back. "I just happen to not be stupid. I've seen how you look at him. I've seen you practically smother him with worry any time he pulls some stunt. In fact," she intoned smugly as she rested her chin on her hands, "I'll bet you're so in love with him you, like, act all angsty and mopey whenever he's not in the room. But then again, that's the norm for you, isn't it?" 

I rubbed my forehead, trying to ease the pain that had been growing ever since Kitty phased through the door. So much for my hidden passion staying hidden. "Okay, Kitty. I'll give. Let's say that I **do** care for Kurt Wagner in... a more then friendly way. That doesn't mean a relationship between us would actually work." 

"Well, you're in love with him, right?" 

I sighed heavily, running a hand through my hair. "...Yes." 

Kitty stroked her chin, looking amused and thoughtful at the same time. "And, it looked like he was starting to feel the same way, right?" She smiled sweetly. "Kurt **did** tell me about that part." 

My entire body tensed up as I remembered how his lips had felt against mine. "Didn't I already tell you that it wouldn't work?" 

"Will you please stop this angst fest of yours, Scott?" Kitty stood up, her face red with anger. "Look, you're usually a reasonable guy. You gotta realize that you have to give it a **chance** for it not to work!" She sat down again, pouting. "I don't get you sometimes." 

My manner was brisk and business like as I spoke. "I already know that I'm not what Kurt needs. There's no need to drag it out unnecessarily." 

The chill in her tone was unsettling, to say the least. "Well, since you seem to know what Kurt needs, would you mind sharing it with me?" 

"Kurt wants to be normal. He needs to be with someone who can make him feel normal." Letting just a hint of the bitterness and resentment I had been harboring leak into my voice, I added, "Someone like you." 

Kitty looked like she had just been slapped. She took a small breath before speaking again. "Okay, first off: walking through walls isn't really considered normal, in case you haven't heard. Second... maybe you ask Kurt what he thinks before you do what's best for him." 

I gripped the arms of my chair weakly. "Kitty.... I couldn't. It'd be too painful." 

Very gently, she put a hand on my shoulder. "Y'know, Scott... if you're willing to go though all this just because you think you don't deserve him, don't you think you should ask him first? If only to make sure you don't deserve him?" 

Regaining my confidence somewhat, I grumbled, "Fine, fine! If only to get you to leave me alone." I drummed my fingers against my desk angrily. Looking angry was far more desirable to looking how I actually felt. 

Kitty clapped her hands in glee, grinning from ear to ear. "Great, I'll go get Kurt, and---" 

"Wait a second. 'Go get Kurt'? Didn't you come here by yourself?" 

Kitty giggled nervously. "Yes and no." 

"Do you mind telling me what's going on here, Kitty?" 

Realizing she had been caught in the act, Kitty sighed, but told me everything. "I... told Kurt I'd go and try to find out what exactly your damage is. My words, not his." she added quickly. "It was my way of apologizing to him. I, uh, don't suppose I have to apologize to you now? 

The corners of my lips tugged up a bit, feeling the weight that had been on my chest all morning finally beginning to give. "Well, seeing how you were the one to get me to stop brooding over what turned out to be my own fears, I'll let it slide. Just this once." 

"Great!" Kitty looked very much relieved. "I'll go get him now. And don't you **dare** run off this time. Honestly, you had the chance to finally get some, and you act all noble and angsty and stuff." When she halfway through the wall, I could hear her mutter to herself, "Sometimes I think I'm the only sane one here." 

As soon as she was gone, all the old fears settled back in. I tried to keep them subdued, reminding myself it would be better to get it over, then sitting hunched over my desk for the rest of my life. 

I didn't hear the puff of smoke. I did, however, hear the unusually formal, "Good afternoon." 

I glanced over my shoulder to see Kurt, arms folded and glaring at me mercilessly. 

_Oh, **this'll** go well._

More Notes- Yes, yes, I know, I suck. :) But remember, feedback is always, always apreciated. The fourth and last chapter will be out sometime next week. 


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